


Celestial Nyctophobia

by SK_Kasai



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt Lucifer Morningstar (Lucifer TV), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Chloe Decker, Season 2, just so much angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:22:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28318149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SK_Kasai/pseuds/SK_Kasai
Summary: "I can't see." He whispered, gasping as if the audible admission made the situation more real,"I can't see!"She'd witnessed what a scared Lucifer looked like before, but she'd never ever heard him sound that terrified."What do you-""I cannot see!" He roared, sitting up so quickly that he almost slammed his forehead into her chin.OrLucifer goes temporarily blind due to an accident. The last time he hadn't been able to see at all had been after the Fall. Angst ensues.
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 71
Kudos: 381
Collections: LUCIFER_FICS_





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is ANGSTY.
> 
> Based on the tumblr prompt from luciferprompts:
> 
> "What if the light bringer lost his sight, temporarily? (Perhaps he got injured in the eyes whilst in Chloe’s vicinity.) What happens next?"
> 
> So, clearly not mine. Actually, a few people have already written it. I wrote half of this months ago then gave up on it. But when I was re-reading it, I couldn't resist the angst so here we are 💀
> 
> It's mostly just for the angst. Set somewhere in s2 with no focus on sciencey stuff or even canon all that much.
> 
>  **Trigger warning:** mentions/ descriptions of a panic attack/ flashback

"I can't believe you discharged yourself." She glared, mouth set in an angry line.

"And I can't believe you're being charitable enough to drive me back to LUX, Detective." Lucifer replied, as amiable as ever, fiddling with the radio, "Although I'd love to go grab my Corvette."

"You can't drive!" Chloe seethed, "You can't do anything! You should be back at the hospital, resting and waiting for the lab results to come in!"

"Detective, I'm the devil." He rolled his eyes, "Honestly now, do you think some human concoction will actually have an effect on me? Those lab tests would take hours and they're bloody useless."

"You passed out!"

"That was a... fluke." He smiled, sheepish.

_Yeah, right._

Times like these, Chloe Decker was torn between hugging her partner or throttling him. 

He'd been sprayed with some unlabelled chemical in the basement-turned-illegal-meth-and-who-knows-what-else lab that they had been apprehending a suspect at. The crazed man had went on to punch him, smashing a somewhat thin beaker on his face while Lucifer stared, dazed.

His face was a battlefield of bruises, cuts, and bandages that she had been trying to stop him from ripping off periodically.

Okay, _maybe_ she was exaggerating. Just a little bit. It wasn't like Lucifer was okay though.

_Lucifer stood there, shocked. With an outraged cry, he picked the man by the collar of his filthy shirt and tossed him into the other side of the basement. He must have been angrier than he let on, because the wall had cracked. Perhaps he was more hurt._

_"Lucifer, oh my god! Are you alright!" She rushed to his side, tucking her gun away and cupping his face in her hands. Her fingers brushed his hair and ears, careful as she was to not touch the odd substance dripping off his face._

_Had he been gassed? Then what? The beaker?_

_Were those glass shards embedded in his skin?_

_"Detective!" Lucifer whined, once his face cleared of the shocked look that graced any time she touched him with tenderness, "No need to bring Dad into this! I am, as you can see, perfectly fine."_

_But he wasn't. Of course he wasn't._

_Her few seconds of believing that all was well were short-lived. Lucifer reached up with a hand to wipe some of the matter away, spitting some of it out and wrinkling his lips in disgust and an urge to let out a witty quip of sorts._

_"Just a bit dizzy from that..."_

_"Lucifer, don't-"_

_But it was too late._

_He was there, grinning at her with devilish bravado and then he wasn't. He crumbled to his feet, clawing at his face, the most inhumane of screams being torn away from his throat._

"Detective?"

"Yeah?"

"Calm yourself." Lucifer sighed, "You appear to be in distress. Now, I know that you might have gotten hurt as well, but, rest assured, I would've never allowed that to happen."

He... that was his top most concern?

"I'm worried about you, Lucifer." She huffed, closing her eyes in exasperation, "Not about the possibility of me getting hurt."

"Why?"

He was joking. He must be joking. They'd been partners for so long. He was her best friend. He couldn't possibly not know that she worried about him?

_A lot._

Ever since that day she'd seen his scars... the fear in his eyes... the sheer vulnerability shining through every pore of his being... How could she not worry?

When he was clearly so broken. _So shattered._

When he paraded around as though he was the devil.

When he called himself a monster.

When he jumped in front of shooters, begging them to end him.

When he went off and married some hooker because he was faced with the possibility of being loved.

When he... he was just _so Lucifer._

His joie de vivre was infectious and his mischievous grin shone brighter than the sun. He was confident and annoying and charming, practically invincible. However, he was also broken and vulnerable and hurt above all else. Just because he hid it behind his impeccable facade...

"Detective?" He urged, snapping her out of her musings, "The chap in the vehicle behind us has been cussing at us and flipping us the bird for almost a minute now. Shall I go put the fear of the devil in him or do you wish to continue driving?"

She gave him a small smile, quickly putting the car back in drive and racing forward. The light had long since turned green.

"I care about you." She whispered, "I.. You're my partner, Lucifer."

"I'm nothing but a monster, Detective." He shook his head.

Oh, so it was one of those moods? Keeping up with his mood swings was a full time job on its own.

"You should stop wasting your efforts on me, Detective." He sighed, leaning his head back against the glass, seemingly having given up on finding a good song on the radio.

"Caring for those you lo- you, ah..." She cleared her throat, blushing almost instantly, "Caring for you is not a waste of effort, Lucifer. You're more than worth it. A pain in the ass if there ever was one, but the greatest partner anyone could ever ask for."

Lucifer remained silent, lost elsewhere. She drove on.

"Detective!" He exclaimed, sitting up, "You passed LUX!"

"You're not going to LUX." She rolled her eyes.

"But you said you'd drive me home!" 

"I never specified which home." She informed him, smirking, even if it was only for show. She wished that she could tell him that he had a home with her and her daughter. If only he'd let them in...

"Clever, Detective." Lucifer nodded, amused, "Are we finally going to do the deed then?" His eyes lit up, but he still looked tired.

"You're going to get some sleep on my couch and rest." Chloe corrected, "I'm not letting you out of my sight before that lab report is out. I don't even know how you're conscious right now."

"Detective!" He whined, "I just need to change my suit and fix the state of my hair and face. Then, we can go back to punishing L.A's guiltiest! So, just give me about an hour or two, and I can meet you back at the precinct."

His dress shirt and suit jacket were gone, being analysed for the remains of whatever it was coursing in his sy Lucifer looked a bit comical in the undersized, blue sweatshirt that she'd given him. Once she stopped feeling sorry for him, or maybe once he annoyed her enough, she'd tell him that Dan had graciously taken off that sweatshirt and donated it to him. It largely depended on how soon she wanted to see him shirtless, but honestly now, she just wanted to drive. No need to think about... that.

"Lucifer, it's three in the afternoon." She sighed, "Work will be done with soon enough and we finished early, seeing as you were hurt and all that."

"I'm not hurt!" Lucifer repeated., "Just give me some time, and even my face will go back to its normal, handsome demeanour for the enjoyment of all. White has never been my colour."

As if to emphasize, he tugged at another strip of gauze, pulling it away from his cheek to reveal the nasty cut underneath.

"Lucifer!" She admonished, "Stop removing those! You wouldn't want to get an infection."

"The devil can't get infections, darling."

Why did she always put herself in these sorts of situations?

_***cries in Deckerstar*** _

"Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?" Chloe asks, anxious in spite of her attempts to relax. Maybe it was seeing his face cut up like this that was causing such a reaction from her.

Ha. Nice one, Decker. 

"I can take your bed." Lucifer sighed, mock heartbreak on his face, "This couch of yours would fit right into hell!"

"Nice try." She rolled her eyes.

"Detective!" He complained, pouting, "But I'm injured, as you are insisting. Surely, that must grace me with some of your mercy?"

"You have all my mercy, Lucifer." Chloe huffed, "Just not my bed."

"Detective!" He whined again, "It's just to sleep in, I assure you. Unless, of course, you have finally come to your senses."

He looked miserable though. 

Lucifer was curled up on her couch, knees pulled up to his chest and the fluffy, green blanket fisted in his hand. He assured her that it was because the couch was horrendously short for his tall frame, a fact which was true. However, she couldn't help but see him as vulnerable and... adorable?

"Fine." She relented, a hundred percent sure that she was going to regret this, but unable to find another way to quiet the ache in her chest.

"Splendid!" Lucifer grinned, bolting upright with renewed energy.

She chuckled at that, "Don't make it creepy, Lucifer. Please?"

"I would never!"

Lucifer grabbed the blanket and proceeded to drag it all the while, stumbling just a bit. When it appeared that he hadn't tripped or something like that, Chloe hurried to aid him. She grabbed his elbow and wrapped her other arm around his waist.

"Easy." She whispered, "You're hot."

"Yes, well, that is the general consensus." Lucifer nodded, "But I think you ought to contain yourself, darling."

"You know what I mean." She rolled her eyes again, noting how he was leaning against her, trying his hardest to walk alone but failing.

Chloe wanted to say something, to point out how _not okay_ he was. Now that he was pressed up against her, she could feel the slight heat radiating off his clammy skin and the fine tremors wracking through his muscles. Somehow, he looked paler. His dark eyes were already partially shut, pupils beginning to dilate as he fought what looked like... nausea?

"Can you make it up the stairs?"

"Detective, I am the King of Hell, not some weakling of a human spawn." He rolled his eyes. His voice was gruff though. Lower with just a hint of confusion and a lot of pain.

Before she could do much, he yanked himself away from her, reaching out to brace himself against the wall. Lucifer took a few deep breaths, straightening his back and squaring his shoulders before setting on his quest to traverse the stairs.

"Lucifer! Careful!"

"Always careful, darling."

Honestly, Chloe was expecting him to topple down the stairs and into the hands of a concussion or a few broken bones. A bruised ego would've served him well, not that it would seriously make an impact with Lucifer being as egotistical as one can get. Sort of.

He didn't fall though.

Lucifer didn't make any quips about her following anxiously behind him or about any of the worried remarks she was making. That was enough to worry her. Did something as simple as going up the stairs require this much of his energy and focus?

He was dragging his feet by the time he reached the top floor, shuffling towards her bedroom with all the grace of a wobbly drunkard.

Lucifer shooed her away when she tried to help, mumbling something about being the devil and not needing help and all that nonsense.

He made it to her bed, collapsing face first into it, groaning into her favourite pillow. Chloe was suddenly glad that she'd made the bed and that none of her clothes or underwear were strewn about the room.

She watched the sad, groaning mess of a partner snuffle into the pillow, muttering things that she could not really understand. Chloe moved into action, gently approaching him and lifting his legs to the bed. He'd already taken off his shoes and belt. Funny enough, he still had Dan's sweatshirt on.

Lucifer seemed to tense at her ministrations, freezing. Perhaps it was a testimony to how tired he must have been; he didn't make any joke to deflect or resort to any innuendo to hide. This was worse than she'd already thought, wasn't it?

"Lucifer, maybe we should call an ambulance?" She suggested gently, moving to wrestle the duvet, which was folded halfway down the middle of her queen sized bed, from under her best friend's freakishly long legs, "Get you back to the hospital?"

"Why would I do that?" He mumbled, "I have an amazing nurse right here!"

She snorted, managing to free the duvet. She brought the duvet up to his shoulders, essentially tucking him in.

"You left for a bit to fill out paperwork and Dad knows who else." Lucifer said, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, "So, I've had time to heal. I'm all good! Probably just a tad tired because I'm around you again, Detective. I'm only vulnerable around you, remember?"

More devil shtick. Nice.

She patted his chest, smoothing out wrinkles she'd never admit she was imagining.

Chloe ran a hand through his damp hair, brushing it away from his forehead. She was about to lean down and kiss his forehead, sweet words on the tip of her tongue, when she realized what she was doing. Her face immediately flamed scarlet and she cleared her throat, straightening up instantly. She blamed years of tucking Trixie in and the fact that Lucifer, in reality, a 6'3'' little kid.

But he was burning up. Pressing a hand to his forehead only seemed to cement her suspicions. Was whatever that was some sort of biological weapon? Could it even be? Lucifer's should've been quarantined or... or...

She wasn't a doctor.

The doctors weren't sure what was going on.

A biocorp situation was... _Messy._

This was stupid. How could she have allowed him to mojo his way out of that damn hospital? This could be dangerous!

"De'ctive?" He muttered, craning his neck, blinking at her owlishly.

"Yeah?"

"I think I desire to sleep." He stated, his eyes falling shut and then breaking open every few seconds.

See? 6'3'' toddler. Cute though. So cute that it was doing things to her.

_Ugh._

Was this like a concussion though? Was he allowed to sleep or would slumber result in some permanent damage?

"Stop thinking so loudly!" He groused, snuggling back into the covers, "Honestly, Detective, you are wasting your time worrying about me."

"Worrying about you isn't a waste of time." She sighed, wondering about how many times she was going to remind him of this, "You're my partner, Lucifer. You matter."

Lucifer gave her some sort of hum and a grumble that sounded suspiciously like "No, I do not."

"Are you still seeing Linda?" She asked, "Sorry... that's, uh... private. Sorry."

"Nothing's private between us, Detective." Lucifer informed her, eyes still closed, "Not to you. I still therapy sessions with Doctor Linda. Fat load of good it does me. I don't think she can fix me though."

That was...

Okay, she was officially crazy. That was her only explanation for how she sat down by his side and carded a hand through his hair until he fell asleep in the manner of minutes.

"'s nice." Lucifer hummed, relaxed in the cocoon of covers he'd made for himself, "Smells like you here, Detective... Best scent ever..."

That was... Okay, that was the sort of thing that she wanted to avoid with the "don't be creepy" order. However, Lucifer had already fallen asleep, snoring lightly and snuffling every few minutes.

He looked precious despite the state of his face.

She wanted to be angry with him. She wanted to see the man who repeatedly hurt her. She wanted this stupid image of a scared little boy with no friends and no family and huge, gruesome, fresh scars on his back to go away.

It never did though.

Chloe sighed, wondering why things had to be this complicated. She resumed toying with his hair for a while longer, observing him until she mustered the power to get up and leave him. 

She didn't get too far though. She couldn't. Instead, she just grabbed her tablet and settled by the chair in the corner of her bedroom.

Lucifer slept on.

**_*cries in Deckerstar*_ **

She didn't know if he was dreaming or what.

Lucifer was mostly still when slept, occasionally grunting or making some odd noise. She found herself watching him sleep, wondering if he was going to be okay.

So far, he just seemed a bit shaken up. Whatever that thing was, it didn't seem poisonous. Otherwise, he should have been dead hours ago, right?

Right.

Small mercies.

Maybe she'd been exaggerating or maybe he would somehow die in his sleep. Living in that kind of uncertainty was torture. In a way, Chloe fearing walking out of the room and coming back a few minutes later to find that he had stopped breathing.

For the millionth time, she wondered if she should call an ambulance and have them tie him down to a hospital bed or something. There weren't many entities in the known universe that could get Lucifer Morningstar to do something that he didn't want to do, but she was one of them.

She should've _made_ him stay. Lucifer couldn't take care of himself. He had close to zero in terms of self-preservation.

She was such an idiot.

"Detective?"

Chloe startled out of her thoughts, dropping her book to the floor.

"I-Is that you?" He whispered, a short, choked laugh escaping his lips, "Who turned off all the lights? N-not that that usually works... celestial senses and all that... so I'm not..."

She got up quickly, rushing to his side. She found that the mad beating of his heart matched his ragged breathing well enough.

"Lucifer?"

"Detective... This is not funny."

"What's not funny?" She was brushing a hand through his hair again, unable to stop herself from touching him. When he flinched and whimpered, she pulled away like she'd been burned.

Flinching was a pretty normal thing according to Lucifer standards, but _whimpering_?

"What's not funny?"

His eyes were open, frantically scanning the room. He hadn't moved yet, barely lifting his head from her pillows. Lucifer clutched at her blankets, fisting them so tightly in his hands that his fingers trembled.

"I can't see." He whispered, gasping as if the audible admission made the situation more real, _"I can't see!"_

She'd witnessed what a scared Lucifer looked like before, but she'd never _ever_ heard him sound that terrified.

Lucifer joked with criminals who had a gun pointed between his eyes and did whatever he wanted for the hell of it.

"What do you-"

"I cannot see!" He roared, sitting up so quickly that he almost slammed his forehead into her chin.

Chloe could've sworn that she saw his eyes flash red.

"Okay, Lucifer, calm down." She tried, "We'll go back to the hospital and see what the doctors have to say about this."

Like we should have done from the start, she doesn't add.

 _Fuck_.

She should have strapped him down to a hospital bed herself.

What if he'd gone blind because she didn't do enough?

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

What if it was something even worse?

"I can't see!" He repeated, clawing at his eyes, desperate, terrified, "Detective, _Chloe...! Help._ P-please."

The Lucifer she knew would be joking about it. Maybe he'd be angry, rambling about getting revenge and justice and punishment.

This Lucifer just seemed _scared._

"Lucifer..."

What could she say? Calm down? Breathe? It's okay?

She liked to believe that it would be okay. This was them; they always figured things out. _Always._

He was pulling at his hair, thrashing hard enough that he almost banged his head against her headboard.

"Lucifer, Lucifer, stop!" She approached him carefully, gripping his wrists, "You're going to hurt yourself! Stop it!"

"I can't see!"

"I know, but this isn't the solution."

He was too strong for her to stop on her own. Lucifer seemed to realize that he would probably hurt her if he continued. It was admirable. Even when he was losing his wits, her safety still came first.

She didn't let go of his hands when he calmed down. Instead, she just took them in her own, rubbing soothing circles onto his wrists. She sat next to him, noting how he tensed and then relaxed. He was blinking furiously, turning his head to every corner of the room, almost as if he was searching for the light.

Was he scared of the dark?

It was a ridiculous notion.

He was Lucifer Morningstar, infamous playboy, king of orgies and owner of one of the best nightclubs in Los Angeles.

Why would the devil be scared of the dark?

She wished she could hug him. He probably wouldn't be comfortable with such a display of affection though. The last thing she wanted was to freak him out more.

"We're gonna go downstairs and I'm going to drive you back to the hospital, Lucifer." Chloe gulped, tightening her grip on his cold, clammy hands, "It's going to be okay. I promise."

"I do not like the darkness." He groaned, too low, low enough that she was certain she hadn't been supposed to hear it, "I... Make it go away. Not again. Please."

Again?

She was missing a lot of context.

She would unpack all of this later. For now, she should focus on getting her partner the help he needed.

"Come on, Lucifer." She encouraged, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible, "Get up. I'll help you out."

She expected him to complain, claiming that he didn't need help.

"Detective?" He asked instead, sounding more lost than he had any right to be, "Are you still here?"

What?

She stared at their joined hands and their touching legs, wondering if he was...

Hospital. Now.

"Yeah. I'm right here, Lucifer." Chloe said, trying to calm herself down, "Not gonna leave you. Come on, we're going to the hospital."

"No!"

"No?"

"Humans can't f-fix this!" He almost shouted, "No one... Bloody Hell... Not again... No..."

"Lucifer, please."

She needed back up. She should call Dan. Maze too. Actually, Maze was the one she was going to call first.

"You should leave so that I can heal." He ordered, turning to her.

His eyes were unfocused, disturbingly so. Lucifer had this way of staring into your soul, drawing out the best and the worst in people. Now? He could've been a scared kid, lost with no idea what the way home was.

"Yeah, not in a million years." She rolled her eyes, "Come on." She tugged at his arm gently, wincing when he flinched, backing away from her.

"You're right." He whispered.

Chloe was an idiot for thinking that he was agreeing with her. It was like she didn't know him at all. 

A woman can hope though.

"I do not wish to be alone." He bit his lip, his shoulders drooping.

The fight seeped out of him. Gone was the anger. Even the fear seemed to subside. Nothing but defeat seemed to be left in their wake.

She'd never thought she'd see the day Lucifer Morningstar looked defeated.

She never wanted to see it. But life was never about what you wanted, now was it?

The admission seemed to take the last bit of strength he had left. Was he so afraid that he was willing to admit it? What was so terrible about being alone that _Lucifer_ was willing to voice it out loud?

He'd die before admitting that he needed help.

She knew that her partner had issues. Anyone who spent a day with him could tell. She knew that he spent time at the precinct doing nothing but annoying her while she did paperwork just because he couldn't withstand how quiet his penthouse and club were during the day.

She knew that he broke into her house for the same reason, maybe even for more. 

He hated being alone and he wasn't shy about voicing that. However, she'd never seen him on the verge of a breakdown at the thought of being alone.

"I'm not going to leave you, Lucifer." Chloe sighed, "I promise."

He nodded, turning his face in her general direction.

"We're both going to the hospital." She continued, tugging on his arm, "For the billionth time. This has went on for far too long already, you know. Please, Lucifer, I'm worried about you."

"Call Mazikeen." He managed to say, ignoring everything she mentioned about getting help like any sane person would, "Please, Detective. Maze. Now."

"You need to go to the hospital!"

"No!" He shook his head, "Maze."

Was he about to cry?

The cuts on his face looked way better than they had any right to do. His eyes didn't even look that irritated. They were glazed over and a bit puffy, red from the tears he was trying his hardest to conceal.

"Lucifer..."

"Please, t-trust me?"

Of course she trusted him. However...

"I'm not going to sit here and watch you hurt yourself more." She seethed, "Seriously, Lucifer, you should have never gotten discharged in the first place and-"

"I cannot see." 

This time, it came out as more of a sob and she froze.

How could she not when Lucifer had tears streaming down his face?

She'd seen him tear up several times, but he _never_ let his tears fall.

It broke something inside of her. She was _this_ close to just dragging him to the emergency room. However, she could tell that something _more_ was going on.

She couldn't pretend to understand Lucifer or even Maze. She didn't understand the bond they shared despite how both of them were her friends now.

Was Maze out bounty hunting or fucking someone or finding something to beat up?

Chloe had to call her.

At the very least, maybe she could help Lucifer understand that they needed to get him to the hospital. Maybe she could even help her tie him up and toss him to the backseat of the car.

"I'll go grab my phone." She sighed, wondering if she was going to regret this. 

She probably was.

She missed his low whimper, rushing to grab her phone from the other side of the room.

It was only a few meters away and yet Lucifer _freaked out._

He must have been able to hear her, but it wasn't enough. Was her warmth next to him all that was grounding him? What the fuck was going on? 

"Detective!"

She froze again at the pain she could hear in his voice.

She had to grab her phone though. She couldn't do this on her own. She felt useless. He couldn't see. He could be dying or the chances of him losing his sight forever were increasing by the moment. Yet, all they'd been doing was arguing back and forth.

It barely took half a minute, but perhaps that was too long for him.

"I'm here, Lucifer." She winced, running back to his side, "Right here. See? You're not alone."

She couldn't understand what he was saying.

She should've kept talking. Sound would be a great help for him at the moment.

She needed to focus.

He was sobbing, mumbling to himself in a language she couldn't recognize. His shaking had increased, so much so that he was rocking the bed with the both of them on it.

He flinched whenever she tried to touch him. Chloe didn't know what to do.

Was this a panic attack?

He could barely breathe, but his breathing had been rapid and too fast ever since he realized he couldn't see.

"Not again. Not again. Not again." He whispered in English, "Dad, please, no. _No_."

Then he switched back to the melodic language, falling back into the bed. He smacked his head on the headboard, but he didn't notice it, curling on his side. Lucifer covered his face with his forearms, shuddering. He writhed and flinched, almost as if he was being burned.

Chloe had never seen anything worse in her life.

She couldn't calm him down. She couldn't help him. She was quick to discover that he couldn't even hear her, trapped in whatever he must have been reliving.

She called Maze, keeping her eyes on him.

What other option did she have? Too bad that she trusted him.

The phone rang and rang. Maze didn't pick up. Chloe wanted to scream and toss her phone as far as she could. It wouldn't help though. She could keep a level head at least, recognizing that Lucifer needed her to be the calm, rational one at the moment.

Maze finally answered at around the third time.

"Maze!" Chloe yelled, "Maze, come home. _NOW!_ "

"What? Decker, what's going on?" Maze immediately caught up, "Are you okay? Is the little human okay?"

"Yeah, it's Lucifer." She cast another look at the man mumbling to himself on her bed, "Please, he's not okay. It's a long story, but he... he can't see right now. Literally. He's freaking out, Maze, and he won't go to the hospital and he keeps asking for you..."

"Did he get hurt?"

"Yeah. With some sort of... We don't even know what it is. He discharged himself from the hospital and went to sleep. He woke up and he couldn't see."

_Fuck._

_Calm down, Decker._

"Get away from him, Decker." Maze cursed. Chloe could hear a motorcycle start and she already felt a bit more relieved. "Get in your car and drive. As far as possible. No less than about a mile or two. Do you hear me?"

"He already suggested that." She growled, not understanding what they both meant, "But then he freaked out because he didn't want to be alone, Maze. He's having a flashback or something because I moved away from him for less than a minute. I'm not leaving him."

Maze was silent for a few seconds. Chloe could hear the traffic around her, cars honking and people cursing as the other woman broke every traffic law there is.

At least she would be there quickly.

"I'm on my way, Decker. Just stay with him. Talk to him. I know it doesn't look like it, but he can hear you."

Maze hung up and suddenly Chloe was back to feeling helpless.

Lucifer looked a bit calmer, but he was still curled up, looking far more small than she'd ever seen him.

"Lucifer, I'm here." She risked sitting next to him, knowing that this wasn't... usual.

Her training might have as well been useless.

"You're going to be okay. I know you are." She was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him, "I..."

What could she say?

_I'm sorry your father is an asshole who I'm probably going to punch the living daylights out of if I ever met him?_

_I'm sorry I let you get out of the hospital?_

_I'm sorry I can't really help you right now?_

Her apologies were useless. She wished she could understand his struggles or at least take some of his pain away. 

Too bad her wishes were useless as well.

Was it just her or did he look a bit more calm?

"I don't know what you're going through, but I'm here for you." She bit her lip, daring to place a hand on his shoulder.

He didn't flinch.

Chloe, encouraged, stroked his back, staying away from his scars.

"Listen to my voice, okay?" She went on, "I know you hate the darkness. You're not alone, Lucifer. You're here with me. In my house, in my bed. No one can hurt you. Not even your dick of a father. It's going to be okay, Lucifer."

Nyctophobia wasn't uncommon in victims of abuse, but Lucifer was so...

He was bigger than life, appearing as immortal as he made himself out to be.

It was almost easy to forget how broken he was.

"D-detective?"

"Yeah, it's me." She stroked his hair, hating how helpless she felt. "You're not alone, Lucifer. You never have to be with me around. I promise."

"Detective." He sobbed, burying his face in her hip, "It won't stop. It's so dark. Please, I can't. Not again."

_Oh, Lucifer._

Hearing this from the man who denied having feelings half the time...

She knew what pain and suffering looked like, but still.

She kept whispering what felt like hollow reassurances to him, rubbings his back and stroking the side of his face. It seemed to calm him down, bit by bit.

Chloe wondered if it would be enough.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a lot of people wanted a second chapter, and just... wow. I had to write it the first chance I got.
> 
> You guys are the best. Thank you so much!

It’s been a week since Chloe last saw Lucifer.

She liked to think that the ridiculous amounts of worry that had been her companion ever since then were… _reasonable._

She wasn’t overreacting.

How could she have been when she’d seen her partner stutter, cry, scream in pain and beg in less than an hour? Anyone who knew Lucifer would understand where she was coming from.

Perhaps that was the root of the problem.

Despite how Lucifer often bragged about being an open book, there was a side to him that no one got to see. Everyone had secrets and memories that they preferred to hide deep within their soul, but this was different.

She could always see someone else under Lucifer’s impressive, rich playboy persona and devil-may-care attitude. She could even say that she often saw sides of him that she… liked.

_A lot._

She knew most people didn’t and Lucifer preferred it like that anyway. 

They were different. They made each other “vulnerable”.

And yet, she’d had no idea what had happened to him.

Calling him yielded no results. Going to the penthouse was useless as well. Maze had apparently relocated Lucifer quickly after she arrived, relaying a message from him about “not wanting to impose on Chloe’s hospitality”.

Which was _bullshit._

So, Chloe took the liberty of tracking him down. She’d managed to give him space for a week, but now she was _done._

It wasn’t difficult per se; for whatever reason, the idiot had his phone with him.

Her head was full of recollections of that time she’d found him at their beach as she drove to an unfamiliar property. Wasn’t it funny that some part of her had already dubbed it “their beach”?

How could anything be theirs when it felt like she didn’t even know him most of the time?

There was always some sort of wall between them. There was always something that pulled Lucifer back every time he took a meek step towards her. She didn’t know what demons his past held, but she got to witness how they ruined his days.

Lucifer didn’t deserve that. No one did.

She just wanted to help him.

Her heart bled for the man who’d trembled under her blankets, begging the light to come back.

For the man who flinched every time her little kid hugged him.

For the man who genuinely had no understanding of most things she took for granted.

Chloe wasn’t being dramatic. She didn’t think so at least.

Besides, didn't she have a right to know more than just "He can see now and it's fine."?

She would never force him to talk, but she needed him to know that he didn’t have to disappear and hide who-knows-where just because she saw him have a panic attack.

This was a mess.

She parked in front of a hillside mansion, reminding herself that this property belongs to Lucifer. It didn’t diminish the chances of her walking into a full blow orgy or something, but at least it would be his orgy.

Small mercies?

Chloe banged her head on the steering wheel, wondering what she was doing with her life.

The sun had barely begun to set. From here, the view was nothing short of breathtaking. She could see Lucifer loving this place.

It was simple and modern; minimalistic, but oddly… rich in that way only Lucifer seemed to muster.

A three story blue and white mansion was hardly his style, but oh well.

He was here.

_Hopefully._

Chloe spent a few more minutes trying to gather her thoughts, wondering what she was going to say to him.

Was she overstepping by showing up here? Should she just let him go?

Maze assured her that his eyes were perfectly fine. The “demon” had ended up ignoring the rest of her calls too, reminding her that she “wasn’t Lucifer’s fucking babysitter”.

Which lead her here.

Why was she so nervous when it came to talking to him?

It took her a few more minutes before she mustered up the courage to get out of her car. She straightened her clothes and checked her gun hostler, knowing to be prepared just in case.

There was no one around.

The quiet was almost disturbing.

When she made her way to the main entrance, Chloe couldn’t say she was surprised to find the door open. It was like Lucifer was begging every burglar to come get him half the time.

She knocked on the door just in case, finding no doorbell. There was no response. For a moment, she wondered if she would even find him inside.

It was a long shot.

Good thing she was desperate.

“Lucifer?” she called out, steeping in wearily, “Lucifer!”

No reply.

She made her way through some sort of lobby, deciding to search what must have been the main living room before anywhere else.

It was all somewhat spartan, expensive but tasteful. The color scheme of mostly white didn’t strike her as something Lucifer would enjoy, but maybe that should've been added to the long, long list of things she didn’t know about him.

Had he smashed the TV?

“Lucifer?”

She stepped into the room, flicking on the lights and gasping at the additional mess the harsh artificial lights allowed her to see.

The living room was even more wrecked than she’d imagined.

All the couches were overturned, tossed into random corners of the room. The longest couch had been broken into two pieces, one of which had been thrown at what must have been some sort of bar.

Broken bottles, random articles of clothing, and drug paraphernalia littered the floor. Had she worked with narcotics, would she have ever given Lucifer a chance?

It was like he wanted her to get fired.

Plausible deniability was a thing though. Lucifer was more important than this.

She stepped over broken glass and things she didn’t like to dwell on, wondering if she should throw away her boots after this.

How could someone live in such a mess?

She had no idea how long he’d stayed here, but _wow._

The pungent smell of alcohol and sweat alone was enough to make her vomit. 

Her heart twisted, some sort of odd sadness taking residency in her chest. She knew her partner. His surroundings and appearance often accurately portrayed how he was feeling on the inside.

This?

Chloe knew that she couldn't unteach him what must have been a lifetime of unhealthy coping mechanism with one conversation or even within a year. However, more than anything, she wished she could.

Would it kill him to find comfort in the arms of those who loved him instead of whoever random stranger was available for him at the time?

Maybe she should start with trying to get him to understand that he was loved in the first place.

She was about to give up and head upstairs when she heard something from the balcony. 

It was a muffled… sob?

Chloe couldn’t tell.

The sun hadn’t set, but the world felt dark. She made her way to the broken glass door, straining to hear anything else.

“-can see it now, Dad.” Lucifer laughed.

It was broken; low and hollow and so full of more pain than she could imagine.

Chloe couldn’t even think of a name for the sound he made.

She froze, stuck on what to do next.

“The sun. The rest of my stars too. Light!”

She could see him.

His back was turned to her. He was barefoot, dressed in a black, fluffy bathrobe. He was glaring at the sky, almost screaming the words at the receding sun.

“Take away the Lightbringer's ability to see light; ha ha, Dad, very funny.” Lucifer scoffed, “You are a bloody genius! Did you have fun laughing at me when I was stuck in the eternal darkness of my own mind? Was that why you went for a fucking repeat performance? In front of the Detective no less!”

No.

_No. No. No._

She shouldn’t be listening to this.

What should she do?

_Fuck._

“You trapped me there for millennia! Unable to see the stars that I made! Cut off from everything that made me who I am! Do you like the monster Hell moulded me into?”

Maybe she should go back to her car.

Or talk to him?

She could barely breathe. Her best friend was in this much pain and here she was, incapable of even moving.

“Or perhaps I’ve always been a monster and you’ve always intended to toss me down there where I belong. Who bloody knows anymore, Dad, but are you satisfied? Are you happy? Did you laugh your bloody ass off at me the other day? Are you laughing now?”

She should leave.

This was private and she was intruding. Lucifer deserved more than her listening to this. She hadn’t meant to, but did that matter in the end?

Then again, could she leave him alone when he was hurting like this?

“I love sunsets.” He said, eyes fixed on the horizon, “Almost as much as I hate intruders, Detective.”

She gasped, snapping her eyes shut.

This was going great.

“Come to have another laugh at me?”

And that… that actually did it for her.

She was here to help her best friend. She was here because thinking about him suffering alone was killing her. 

Leaving wasn’t an option.

“I knocked.” Chloe stuttered, knowing that her argument was feeble at best, “I called your name several times, Lucifer. I called you even more times, all week long, and you didn’t answer.”

“Well, pardon me for not wanting to be a laughing stock any longer.”

“What are you talking about?”

She found herself walking towards him, confident in the knowledge that he would never hurt her. Lucifer was wild flames and raging infernos, but she knew he’d never let that fire scorch her.

Not when he could help it anyway.

“Detective, why must you torture me like this?” He didn’t turn around, refusing to meet her eyes, “You’ve seen the Devil cry, darling, what more could you desire?”

“Is that how little you think of me, Lucifer?”

He didn’t answer.

He was so close to her and yet he might have as well been miles away. Her fingers itched to touch him. She wanted to hug him, to slap him, to tell him that he should stop listening to whatever grand cacophony of self-hatred and self-pity was going on in his head.

However, she feared that he would start running without ever stopping. How long until he easily figured out how she tracked him?

How long until he decided that he didn’t want to be found?

She knew her partner well enough to know that he wasn’t truly trying to vanish. He wanted someone to ask if he was okay, to bandage him up, to tell him that things were going to be fine…

Just because he didn’t actively know that didn’t make it any less true.

“What brings you here, Detective?” He asked, finally turning his head so that their eyes met.

He looked like shit.

She’d never seen his hair that curly or greasy before. If Lucifer had ever sported dark bags under his eyes, he’d mostly covered them with perfect make up. Now though? He looked like someone had punched him in the face. Twice.

His stubble had grown to an almost beard and his skin was so pale that it might have as well been translucent in the dim light.

_Oh Lucifer._

At least the cuts and bruises from before were gone. His eyes were bloodshot and dull, but they weren't glazed over and unfocused anymore.

He'd healed relatively well.

“I wanted to check on my partner.”

“Maze must have told you that my sight came back.” He rolled his eyes, “What more could you want?”

“Lucifer, you haven’t shown up at the precinct all week.” Chloe sighed, “You haven’t picked up my calls, or Linda’s, or even Dan’s.”

“So? I wasn’t aware I had to check in with you every few days.” He scoffed, glaring at her before turning back to watch whatever remained of the fading sun, “Contrary to popular belief, you are not my babysitter, Detective.”

“I’m your friend.” She nodded, deciding not to take the bait, “I’m worried about you.”

“Well, you shouldn’t be!”

“That’s not how it works.” Chloe sighed again.

She balled her hands into fists, tucking them into her jacket pockets. She shouldn’t hug him. She shouldn’t touch him.

Lucifer was not okay.

Lucifer didn’t even understand that kind of comfort.

He’d probably think she was offering sex or something.

“Sunsets are beautiful.” Lucifer whispered, “Don’t you think so?”

“They are.”

She leaned against the railing, wondering how long had it been. She’d never really been a person who stopped to appreciate sunsets or sunrises, but she couldn’t deny the odd, mesmerizing beauty they held for anyone who paused to observe them.

“When Dad asked me to put your sun in the sky, I never thought this would be the result.” He laughed a little, shaking his head, “All this light… this _life._ ”

Right.

Metaphors.

Delusions?

Did it even matter at this point?

Perhaps she'd been wrong.

“It is beautiful.” She agreed, lost at what else to say.

“Why are you here, Detective?”

“I’m here for you.” She met his eyes again, wondering if he could understand.

He didn’t.

“Why?”

And he was… begging her.

She could see it in his lost, fathomless eyes.

He wasn’t being rude or annoying. He wasn’t mad at her. He didn’t even want her to go.

He just had no idea what the fuck was going on.

He actually thought she would… _what?_ Laugh at him because she saw something he feared?

“Come on.”

She grabbed him by the elbow, deciding to drag him inside.

They needed to talk.

“Come on?” He raised his eyebrows at her, “What has gotten into you, Detective? Have you finally come to your senses? Is this you-”

“We are going to talk, Lucifer. It can’t go on like this.”

“But I can think of many things that are far better than talking, and believe me, darling, we-”

“Come. On.”

He searched her face for a moment, looking as though he’d rather leap off the railing than follow her inside.

Was Lucifer Morningstar afraid?

“Please, Lucifer.” She bit her lip, “I’m worried about you.”

“I can assure you that there is nothing to worry about, Detective, for I…”

He trailed off, wincing at the frosty glare she was giving him.

Lucifer sighed, deciding to follow her. She could’ve let go of his arm now, but he was standing so close.

He stunk, smelling mostly like a distillery. Yet, he was warm and solid and real. It was silly, but Chloe found it comforting.

They made their way through several parts of the destroyed floor, ending up in a small living room that seemed untouched.

It held a single, long, black couch and a huge flat screen TV. There was a mini freezer in the corner and black, thin blinds on the lonely window on the far wall. A small, rectangular, obsidian coffee table sat on a maroon, fluffy carpet in front of the couch.

It was the only splash of color in the room and it felt _wrong._

She made Lucifer sit down on the couch, shutting the door behind her. The moment felt like it needed the added sense of privacy.

“You could have at least let me grab a drink, Detective.” He sulked, digging his toes into the carpet and glaring at her.

“You’ve had enough alcohol for a lifetime, Lucifer.” She rolled her eyes, “I don’t even know how your liver hasn’t given up on you yet.”

“Immortal, darling. Two m’s. When you’re not around, that is.” He shrugged, “That’s why I should drink now! Maybe I’ll get actually drunk. Detective, I’m begging you!”

Right.

Because he was the “devil”.

“No drinking.” She scolded gently, moving to sit in front of him on the coffee table.

She needed him to look at her. 

Sitting next him seemed wrong and standing was not an option. She wondered if he felt safe with her. He’d said so before, but the way his eyes kept darting to the closed door made her stomach churn.

“If you’re not here to sleep with me, then why are you here?”

He was back to pleading.

It was so tactless and un-Lucifer that she had to take a moment to think of an answer.

“I’m here for you” didn’t cut it.

“Do you really think I’m laughing about what happened that day?”

“I cried and blubbered like someone your spawn’s age would do after a silly nightmare, so, yes, Detective, I cannot imagine a more suitable response.”

His eyes fell to the floor again, fingers picking at his bathrobe almost obsessively. With his hunched shoulders and downturned lips, he was the picture of shame and regret.

“I’d never laugh at you for having fears, Lucifer.”

“I do not have fears!” He exploded, jumping to his feet.

“Being afraid of the dark isn’t-”

“I am the Prince of Darkness, Detective! I assure you that I do not fear it!”

He was shaking, glaring at her as if he could make her disappear with the power of his anguish alone.

“Sit down.” Chloe commanded softly, “Please, Lucifer.”

“Go away.” He pleaded, plopping down on the couch, “Haven’t you seen enough?”

“Lucifer, whatever it was that scared you,” she glared at him, daring him to open his mouth and object about being scared again, “I won’t judge you for it. You should know that by now.”

“I am the Devil, Detective.” He gasped, “That was completely unacceptable!”

“We all have…”

Fears? Weak moments?

She couldn’t use those words with him. Lucifer refused to even be grouped in the same category as the rest of humanity.

“I don’t.” He huffed, bowing his head, “I’m not supposed to.”

“We all have our vulnerable moments.” She finally said, deciding to risk it and take his hands in her own.

He stopped his fidgeting, freezing as she locked their fingers together.

He should understand this.

It was their word.

_“You make me vulnerable.”_

_“Detective, if it’s any consolation to your pride… it appears you make me vulnerable too.”_

“I’m not…” He shook his head, his eyes pointedly fixed at their joined hands.

“You can always be vulnerable with me.” Chloe continued, hating how sappy it sounded. 

She had to make him understand.

“Even if I don’t know what’s going on with you, or why, I’m here for you, Lucifer.” She promised, “Always. You don’t have to try and disappear just because I saw you have a justifiable reaction to what would be a traumatizing experience for anyone.”

“Now you sound like bloody Doctor Linda.”

No one needed a degree to figure out that Lucifer Morningstar was, for the lack of a better term, fucked up.

It was written in red, glowing ink all over the things he said and did, clear in every aspect of his behaviour more often than not.

He was still her partner, her best friend, and the man she… was incredibly worried about.

“I do not fear the darkness.” He groused.

It made sense. They’d been on countless stake outs and situations in which lighting was less than acceptable.

Yet, did that explain his reaction back in her room?

“I do not even have to…” He trailed off again, pausing.

He didn’t say anything for a long time, allowing his trembling fingers to play with her own as he thought about everything that was going on.

Would he understand?

She didn’t demand to know what had triggered him that badly, but she needed him to know that she’d never judge him the way he seemed to think she would.

She’d never judge anyone like that.

He wasn’t trying to be malicious or even to accuse her of being a terrible person. To him, the standard reactions to such things were ridicule and a complete lack of care which never failed to shatter her heart.

“I am never truly in the presence of complete darkness.” He whispered after an eternity, eyes glued to their hands again, “Celestial eyesight. Even in Hell… It was just when I… when I F-fell. My eyes burned too and I… I was the Lightbringer. Light was mine. I’d never been without it and then suddenly…”

Her hands moved to his shoulders, silently asking him to stop.

He didn’t have to share this with her. Not his metaphors and not his version of the truth.

She was here for him no matter what.

“Lucifer?”

He made a hopeless sound in his throat, lips parting just the tiniest bit in inquiry.

She tried to say something, hoping against all hope that she would somehow fix this.

Chloe was no idiot though.

“I-I’m going to hug you.” She finally managed to get out, “Is that okay?”

“Why?”

“Is that okay, Lucifer?” She asked again, knowing she had no answer for him.

He searched her face for a few seconds, the tension in the room rising until it threatened to suffocate them both.

Then, Lucifer nodded, jerky and brief and almost terrified.

The “King of Hell” mortified of a simple hug.

She guided him as slowly and as gently as she could, settling his head on her shoulder and wrapping her arms around him. Their position was a bit awkward. He might have as well been made of marble, oddly stiff and frozen in her grasp. She avoided his scars again, wondering if they would ever get to talk about those.

“Is this okay?”

Lucifer didn’t say anything, whining something into her shoulder.

“I mean what I said, you know.” She soothed, running her fingers through his hair.

It was weird. She’d never envisioned being this close to him, despite how much she…

Well.

It wasn’t unpleasant though. She’d happily spend hours holding him like this if it had any hope to make him understand. She knew he’d do the same for her, wrapping his arms around her when she needed it despite how he didn’t understand the gesture.

“I hate this.” He whispered, burying his face deeper into her shoulder, “I’m not weak.”

“Being vulnerable isn't weakness.” Chloe shushed him, “Especially not with me, Lucifer. I… I’d never laugh… or judge you. No matter what.”

“Why?”

He was being strangely honest. It was like him to ask openly about whatever social or emotional thing baffled him. However, it was also like him to run and hide.

“We’re partners.” She told him, resting her cheek on the top of his head, “And friends. Best friends.”

Maybe more.

One day.

Damn her stupid, relentless emotions.

Lucifer nodded.

She doubted he got it, but it was a start.

“Does that mean I can get my partner back?”

“Do you miss my pleasurable company, Detective?” He teased, pulling away from her just a bit to give her an amused look.

He wasn’t crying.

His eyes were red and watery, but he refused to let the tears fall. He seemed to have gotten even paler in the last few minutes. Chloe worried for him, feeling as though he would dissolve between her arms.

He wasn’t delicate, but he wasn’t…

Ugh.

“Yes.” She nodded gravely, cupping his cheek with her hand, “I actually got my paperwork done for once, Lucifer. Imagine the horror.”

He smiled at that, chuckling.

“It must have been maddening.”

“You have no idea.” Chloe sighed gravely, resting her forehead against his.

She remembered the first time they’d done that. It had felt so right. So perfect.

Then he’d vanished off to fucking Vegas after she got poisoned.

...Not before somehow miraculously saving her life of course.

“Your eyes?”

“Perfect as always.” He replied, closing them, relishing the moment, “They healed after you left, Detective.”

“Was that necessary?”

“I’m only vulnerable when I’m around you.” He answered, eyes still close, “Mazikeen was adequate help. She set me straight, Detective, then we went to this orgy where-”

Right.

So maybe Maze was better suited to handle whatever that was. Maybe he didn’t trust her enough when it came to dealing with whatever shadows lurked around him.

He and Maze went _way_ back.

She wasn’t jealous.

If anything, she was glad he had someone to help.

“Lucifer, did all the partying help?” She asked, almost hating herself for bringing that up.

But how could she not when all she could see was the image of him on the floor, pupils blown wide as he struggled to breathe after he overdosed.

“No.” He finally admitted, pulling away.

And that was it.

Their little moment was over.

It hurt, almost as if someone had snatched something away from her, leaving her wanting and bereft.

She could hardly ask for more though. Lucifer needed space. She’d already crossed more than enough lines tonight, desperate as she was to help him in any way.

“So, I will see you tomorrow?” She cleared her throat, moving to get up.

“Tomorrow.” He nodded, “I’ll show up bright and early just for you, Detective. Fingers crossed for an interesting murder case!”

Chloe smiled at that, unable to chastise him for basically hoping for someone to die.

It was Los Angeles and she was a homicide detective anyway.

“I’ll be off then.” She nodded, gesturing to the door, “Uh, Trixie says hi.”

“Hello to her too?”

“She misses you.” Chloe continued, making her way to the door, “You can come over for dinner or something any time you want, Lucifer, okay?”

A look of gratitude washed over his face as he studied her, nodding along absently to what she was saying.

“Breakfast then.” He concluded.

“Can’t wait to see me?” She teased.

“Hmmm.” Lucifer grinned, “You have no idea.”

A smile looked brilliant on him.

He could use a shower and some sleep. A part of her wanted to drag him by the elbow and shove him into her car, bundling him up somewhere and making sure that he got some rest.

She couldn’t though. Of course not.

Maybe one day.

“Get some rest.” She told him once they reached her car.

Lucifer had followed her, still barefoot and clad in his dark bathrobe. The darkness of the night around them didn’t faze him. He seemed to be focused on her, studying her movements as if she was a figment of his own imagination.

Was she?

When someone was that unused to kindness, how would they react whenever anyone showed them a morsel of it?

“Yes, Detective.”

Chloe risked hugging him one last time, burrowing her face into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her slowly, resting his cheek on the crown of her head.

She could get used to it.

It was over too soon.

She gave him another small smile, raking her mind for an excuse to stay. When she couldn’t, she just got into her car, getting ready to leave.

“Detective!” Lucifer almost shouted as she backed out of the property.

She’d barely moved a few meters before she had to pause, wondering what he wanted.

Lucifer jogged up to the car, reaching it in three long strides. She rolled her window down, waiting.

“Thank you, Detective.” He whispered.

He didn’t need to thank her but-

“You’re welcome, Lucifer.” Chloe smiled, “Anytime.”

“Good night, Detective.”

“Good night, Lucifer.”

And maybe it would be a good night after all.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chloe learns why Lucifer was so scared of the darkness now that she knows who he is.  
> Established Deckerstar. Set a few years after the last two chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who decided to continue this story and write as many chapters as possible...  
> I guess I'll just write about all the weird or small things Lucifer does that can be traced back to his time in Hell.
> 
> This chapter is inspired by a prompt/suggestion by the awesome Carsonburfield. Thank you!

Chloe often caught Lucifer out on the balcony, just staring at the sky, lost in thought.

It took her long enough to notice it, chalking up his disappearances to his child-like attention span and his general Luciferness.

Without fail though, she would often find him outside when she lost him.

Lucifer loved the stars, sunsets, and sunrises.

She wasn’t sure if that was the correct order, but it was how often she found him observing each of them.

Maybe it had to do with the fact that he wasn’t an early riser most of the time? More recently, he’d gotten into the habit of lingering by her side, waiting for her to wake up. 

They were often too busy to pause and appreciate the sunset.

As for the stars, she guessed that having them out for the whole night helped.

Here he was, out on the balcony again, quiet.

Chloe watched him from the door, wondering how often she got to see her Devil standing still like that.

The answer was, not often enough, of course.

She felt almost guilty for disrupting his peace when she walked up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind. Lucifer didn’t hear her, which was… odd.

Millennia in Hell had done wonders for his senses.

_“Well, darling, don’t pay attention to who’s sneaking up on you, and chances are that you’ll end up with a slit throat or worse.”_

He tensed, like he always did, craning his neck to look at her. His warm eyes met hers and relief spread across his face, softening his expression into something only she got to see.

Lucifer took in a deep breath, relaxing into her embrace. She rested her forehead against his shoulder, content in doing nothing other than standing out there with him. He leaned back, still silent. When he finally moved, he just put one of his hands on top of hers, allowing the other to grip the railing.

“Beautiful night?”

“Indeed.” His voice rumbled in his chest, still too quiet, “You were taking forever to get here, Detective.”

“Sorry. Traffic.”

He hummed, nodding at her explanation. 

“You can’t really see the stars the way you like from up here, right?”

“No.” He shook his head, sighing, “It’s better than nothing though.”

“You love them.”

“I made them, Detective.” He stroked her hand with his thumb, pausing, “And they are so… _beautiful._ How can I not love them?”

“A lot of people love them, Lucifer.” Chloe smiled, “You did great.”

He didn’t respond to that, not that she expected him to. She could imagine the look on his face just then, caught between surprise, wonder, and something he wasn’t quite experienced enough yet to identify as “love”.

They _were_ beautiful though.

Lucifer was a creature of the light.

His name translating to “Lightbringer” didn’t surprise her as much it should the more she thought about it.

Why had she been under the impression that it was no more than a synonym for “devil” or “satan”?

It was such a beautiful name, fit for the beautiful man who’d brought light to her life, and to the literal universe, in so many ways.

He always managed to bring out her cheesiest side too.

Lucifer was light and fire and everything bright.

No wonder he hated Hell.

Her thoughts turned morose, snippets of the few conversations she’d had about the infernal realm with her boyfriend floating around in her head.

She hugged him tighter, hoping he never had to go back. 

No matter what.

They spent a few minutes out there, enjoying the cool night air. The city below remained alive, people moving like ants down on the sidewalk. She watched the lights and the people, dividing her attention between the ground and the sky.

Lux was so bright.

Actually, Lucifer had told her that “Lux” literally translated to “light”.

He’d named his home “light” and that made her want to laugh and cry all at once.

Somewhere between her musings and the short conversations she had with him, Chloe remembered that one time he’d gotten hurt, ending up blind for a while.

She screwed her eyes shut, tightening her arms around him again as she remembered him begging and pleading in her bedroom.

To this day, after everything they’d been through, she’d never seen him that scared.

She tried to remember what he’d said, playing a game she found herself playing too often these days.

Everything that she’d dismissed as part of Lucifer’s “delusions” or “metaphors” was… _real._

It took her a lot of time to wrap her head around a lot of the things he’d said. They basically had a talk about these things every week, starting from him “literally cutting his wings” which had given her nightmares.

She still dreamt about him, drenched in his own blood, in immeasurable pain with two gaping wounds on his back and shiny, crimson feathers strewn around him.

_"I... Make it go away. Not again. Please."_

_"Not again. Not again. Not again." He whispered in English, "Dad, please, no. No."_

_"Detective." He sobbed, burying his face in her hip, "It won't stop. It's so dark. Please, I can't. Not again."_

What had he been reliving?

They’d never spoken about it after she left his mansion. Lucifer had showed up to work on time the following day, grinning and offering her coffee and donuts. 

He’d disappeared when she’d tried to bring it up again and she’d learned her lesson.

Now though…

“What’s on your mind, darling?”

He turned around in her hands, wrapping his own arms around her waist. She let him hold her close, wondering when he’d gotten this comfortable with their casual affection.

He was beautiful in the faint moonlight and the mix of what felt like a million city lights. 

“N-nothing.” Chloe lied, giving him a small, shaky smile.

Maybe it was because he was the “Prince of Lies” or maybe it was because he never lied, but Lucifer was brilliant at seeing right through her.

The fact that she wasn’t that great of a liar when it came to him didn’t help.

“I don’t want to ruin our moment.”

“You never ruin anything, Detective.” He sounded scandalized, ever the one to adore her and worship her.

How could he still act like she could do no wrong?

“Hmmm.” She sighed, burying her face in his chest this time, “Are you sure?”

“Doctor Linda insists that communication is key to a healthy relationship.” Lucifer replied, “Being open with your significant other is paramount for building trust and strengthening the bond you have.”

“Is that so?”

What parallel universe had she walked into?

This was _Lucifer Morningstar_ talking.

The man who didn’t understand why would anyone want to have sex with the same person over and over again a few years ago.

“I still struggle with this concept.” He admitted, resting his chin on the top of her head, “However, I believe the good Doctor is correct. The internet mentions variations of the same thing. You’ve said it yourself a few times as well, darling.”

It was true.

Being open was important. She’d said that to his face many times.

He’d actually listened.

Here she was, years later, slowly putting together what felt like a billion pieces to the puzzle that was Lucifer.

“Remember when you… when you went blind a few years ago?”

She felt him freeze, his breath getting stuck in his throat.

“Yes, o-of course.” He gulped, “What about it?”

“You’re not usually scared of the dark.” Chloe continued, wishing this would lead somewhere instead of just dredging up painful memories, “I know you’re not.”

“I’m never truly blind in the dark.” He explained after a long pause, “Celestial eyesight, Detective. That much is true.”

So he had been literal.

“I can always see… something, I suppose.” Lucifer continued, “I haven’t had to deal with the complete absence of light with my eyes fully open since…”

He trailed off, leaving her to think.

What could have taken away his eyesight all together? What had traumatized him so badly that he basically broke down what must have been thousands of years later?

Perhaps she was looking at this wrong.

She didn’t plan on pushing him, a bit afraid for his fragile sanity.

Not that Lucifer was breakable, but he was... delicate at times. She worried. How could she not when he finally lowered down some of his walls around her? She loved him too much to pretend that he was okay all the time.

They’d been through a lot recently. Something told her that she should wait, allow him to share bits of himself as he saw fit.

He was slow, but he was learning.

He was always full of surprises too.

Chloe wondered if she should be feeling silly. They’d been out here for a long time, just holding each other. She was content and happy, grateful that she got these quiet moments with him.

And yet...

“The Fall.” he whispered, minutes later, “I burned. My eyes too. They… I couldn’t see. For the first time in my existence. It… hurt.”

Someone might have as well stolen the air from her very lungs, filling her veins with ice and her mind with cotton while they'd been at it.

"Your... you literally... _burned?_ "

He let out a choked laugh, nodding. A laugh or a sob? She couldn't tell.

"Humans do have some parts of the story right." Lucifer admitted.

"I'm going to punch your Father the next time I see him." She whispered after what felt like an eternity, not knowing what else to say, "You didn't deserve that... just..."

She'd known. He'd never hid it from her and yet connecting this fact with him horrified beyond measure of "literal darkness"...

_**Fuck.** _

Could she even imagine...?

"It's fine, Detective." Lucifer sighed.

Fine?

In what universe was it fine?

_Fine..._

She couldn't remember that last time she'd felt this angry. She could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks, hear her heart thundering in her chest...

"Lucifer, it's not fine." She choked out, "It's not... You can't-"

"I do not wish to speak about it tonight." Lucifer confessed, stepping away from her, "Please, Detective, not tonight."

He was either handing out pieces of his past at crime scenes and at the most random of times or running away from any discussion about it.

She wondered why.

Usually, Lucifer loved ranting about how much he _hated_ his Father and siblings. He made comments about Hell and torture at the most random of times, sharing horrifying things in the same way any normal person would share their favourite color or song.

When he was silent about something, it usually meant that the damage was too great to talk about.

She met his eyes, nodding before she even made a decision about it.

"Of course, Lucifer." She took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently, "We have to talk about this at some point... but not tonight. Whatever you need, babe."

How could she deny him this? How could she make him talk about it?

She allowed him to lead her inside, listening to him tell her about some kind of new wine he'd acquired.

Chloe decided that she would find out more about his past and that she would _help_ him, even if help just meant listening to him.

Sometimes, that was the best you could do for someone.

And Lucifer?

He definitely deserved the best. More if possible. 


End file.
